by Trey Yeatts
Edie Adams (1927-2008) was an actress who was a regular on her then-husband’s The Ernie Kovacs Show (1952-1956). She also appeared in numerous films and television series and won a Tony for her work on Broadway.
Clifton Davis from ...
Clifton Davis is an actor and ordained Baptist minister. He starred in TV shows such as A World Apart (1970-1971), That’s My Mama (1974-1975), and Amen (1986-1991). Before he became known for his acting, Davis was a songwriter who penned several hits for the Jackson 5, including 1971’s “Never Can Say Goodbye.”
[Credit on screen.] “Peter Haskell.” Eddie’s brother.
Eddie Haskell was Wally Cleaver’s trouble-making friend on the TV series Leave It to Beaver, which ran from 1957-1963. Eddie was a bully to younger children but always acted like a nice, wholesome young man in front of their parents. The part was played by Ken Osmond. The character reappeared in the CBS TV movie sequel Still the Beaver in 1983 and on the series that sprang from it, The New Leave It to Beaver, which ran from 1985 to 1989.
The White Shadow. –Ken Howard. –The White Shadow’s shadow.
The White Shadow was a CBS TV series that aired from 1978-1981. It was about a former professional basketball player (played by Ken Howard) who becomes a coach at an inner-city high school.
[Credit on screen.] “Jane Wyatt.” I wonder if Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin are in this as well.
Jane Wyatt starred as the matriarch in the TV series Father Knows Best (1954-1960); Elinor Donahue, Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin played the three children: Betty, Bud, and Kathy.
Bubba Smith. –I don’t think he’s made a bad film. Dick [Butkus], on the other hand ... –They’ll probably just cancel each other out. We could end up in movie limbo for three hours.
Bubba Smith is an actor and former pro football player. He played for the Baltimore Colts, Oakland Raiders, and Houston Oilers in his career, which lasted from 1967 to 1976. As an actor, he is best known for playing Officer Moses Hightower in the first six Police Academy films. Dick Butkus is also an actor and former pro football player. He played for the Chicago Bears from 1965 to 1973. As an actor, he has appeared in The Longest Yard, Necessary Roughness, Any Given Sunday, and Johnny Dangerously, among others. He also played himself in the acclaimed 1971 TV movie Brian’s Song.
Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Super Bowl.
Super Bowl is the now-official name for the AFC-NFC Championship Game. It was first held in 1967 as a championship between the National Football League and the rival American Football League as part of a merger agreement that would be finalized in 1970. AFL team owner Lamar Hunt coined the name in the late ‘60s after watching his kids play with a Super Ball, a toy manufactured by Wham-O. The name wasn’t formally adopted until the fourth game in 1970, as tickets for the first three were printed with the title “World Championship Game.” The NFL remains fiercely protective of the name “Super Bowl” (as well as “Super Sunday”), suing just about anyone it believes is using it commercially. That’s why ads for chips and such in January refer to “the Big Game” and not “the Super Bowl.” In 2006, the league tried to trademark “The Big Game” as well, but outraged advertisers forced them to withdraw that attempt.
There’s Bubba. –Bubba who? –Babalu. –[Imitating.] Well, I’ll just sit around here, Baba Looey. –That was a good one. –Well, thank you.
See previous note on Bubba Smith. “Babalu” is a Cuban song popularized in 1946 by bandleader Desi Arnaz. Baba Looey was a burro and sidekick to Quick Draw McGraw in the animated series The Quick Draw McGraw Show (1959-1962). He was voiced by Daws Butler and named after Arnaz’s song.
Did these guys fly in on SST Deathflight?
SST Deathflight was the similarly star-studded movie riffed in Show K13.
The “Mile-High Club” is a slang means of saying that one has had sex in an airplane while in flight. According to tradition, the inaugural members were socialite Mrs. Waldo Polk and pilot Lawrence Sperry, inventor of the autopilot, in 1916.
If this is the movie that got him the Magnum part ...
Tom Selleck was the star of the CBS TV series Magnum, P.I., which ran from 1980 to 1988. He played Thomas Magnum, a private investigator, who solved cases amid the lush scenery of Hawaii.
See above note on Dick Butkus.
Hey, wait. That’s not Alex Karras.
Alex Karras is yet another footballer-turned-actor. He played for the Detroit Lions from 1958 to 1970. In films, Karras played Mongo in Blazing Saddles (1974), the sheriff in Porky’s (1982), and the gay bodyguard Squash in Victor/Victoria (also 1982). On TV, he’s best known for starring alongside his wife, Susan Clark, in the sitcom Webster (1983-1989).
Begun in Sicily in the mid-1800s, Cosa Nostra (Italian for “our thing”) is a criminal syndicate that uses intimidation and violence to obtain as much power and money as possible from all manner of legal and illegal activities. In America, Mafia-related activities first began in the 1880s, but the organization didn’t gain a strong foothold until Prohibition in the 1920s, when demand for illegal alcohol caused an organized crime explosion. Roughly translated, the word “mafia” means “swagger” or “bravado.”
Still running from the law. –The Fugitive.
The Fugitive was a TV series that aired from 1963-1967. It starred David Janssen (1931-1980) as Dr. Richard Kimble, a man unjustly convicted of murdering his wife and forced to flee capture by the police while striving to prove his innocence and hunt down the real killer—the mysterious “one-armed man.” The final episode of the series was the most watched television episode in history at that time, with 46 percent of all TV-owning households tuned in.
It’s Gary Coleman. In the case.
Gary Coleman (1968-2010) was an actor best known for playing wisecracking Arnold Jackson on the sitcom Diff’rent Strokes (1978-1986). As a young child, Coleman suffered from a kidney disease that, when combined with his medications, stunted his growth and kept him at 4’ 8”. After the end of Strokes, Coleman’s career and finances tumbled and he successfully sued both his parents and his business advisor for misappropriating his assets. In 2003, Coleman became one of 135 candidates for governor in California’s infamous recall election (he placed eighth). He still struggled legally and financially in the following years until his death after a fall at his home.
Enter Donna Mills.
Donna Mills is an actress best known for playing Abby Cunningham on the CBS primetime soap Knots Landing (1979-1993).
The radio show Meet Corliss Archer (1943-1956; it moved to TV in 1955), followed a perky 15-year-old girl (Corliss) and her boyfriend, Dexter (who, by the way, is credited with popularizing the exclamation, “Holy cow!”). “Boing-oing” was something that Corliss would exclaim when she was excited.
Butt out, says Edie Adams.
See above note.
Hey, hey. Uncle Dud. It’s a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud.
Lyrics from the 1927 song “Mississippi Mud” by Harry Barris and James Cavanaugh, which was popularized by Bing Crosby in 1928. It was later covered by The McGuire Sisters, Dean Martin, Dinah Shore, Ray Charles, the Muppets, and more.
Run through an airport in pantyhose?
Joe Namath was a football quarterback who played for the New York Jets and the Los Angeles Rams. In 1974, he appeared in a commercial for Beautymist pantyhose, saying, “Now, I don’t wear pantyhose ...” Well, you know, except to film that commercial. Fellow footballer O.J. Simpson (in the days before his legal problems) did a series of ads for Hertz rental cars in which he was shown racing through airports, using his old skills as a running back.
Hungry-Man is a line of TV dinners (frozen reheatable meals in trays) with larger-than-normal portions made by Swanson Foods. While TV dinners themselves were first sold in 1953, the “Hungry-Man” line appeared twenty years later. Football player “Mean” Joe Greene was their first spokesperson.
I’m looking for my all-black high school basketball team, and this might be the place. Although it’s on the wrong network.
See note on The White Shadow, above.
[Sung.] Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big brass bed. –Okay, settle down now.
“Lay Lady Lay” is a 1969 song written and performed by Bob Dylan. It was covered several times by artists including The Byrds, The Isley Brothers, Duran Duran, and Ministry.
A livery service? –He’s got a pony. –In case anyone gets pregnant.
A livery service in the U.S. is any kind of vehicle for hire. The term may be best known from Westerns, as livery stables existed in frontier towns. The first known use of “livery” in this manner dates to 1705 and today generally refers to taxis and limos.
Someone’s in the kitchen with [something].
“Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah” is a line from the song “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.”
Nighttime. New Orleans. It’s a big town. Lots of people walking up and down the streets. Thinking about football. Wondering where Alex Karras is. Reaching for guns. Checking for ammo. Looking outside. Spying on Charlie’s Angels.
See above note on Alex Karras. Charlie’s Angels was a T&A series that aired from 1976-1981. It featured a revolving cast of beautiful women who worked as private eyes under the direction of the unseen “Charlie.”
It was Dial-A-Prayer.
Dial-A-Prayer is a telephone-based prayer ministry established in 1955 by Indiana minister Richard Schwambach.
Known as parapraxis, these are errors in speech or actions that are thought to be influenced by unconscious thought, and therefore revealing the true feelings of the person committing the error. Freudian slips are named after the famed psychologist Sigmund Freud.
Mardi Gras Bowl.
Mardi Gras (French for “Fat Tuesday”) is a celebration that consumes much of New Orleans (and other places too) every year in March. It is observed to celebrate the final consumption of fatty foods before the fasting common in Lent in some branches of Christianity. In sports, if a championship game is held in a place known for something in particular, announcers will often append it to the title of the game. (For example, when the New York Yankees and the New York Mets faced each other in the World Series in 2000, it was colloquially referred to as the “Subway Series.”)
There was a big run on rayon that year.
Rayon is a manufactured fiber first produced in 1880s France as an alternative to silk. It is made by extracting cellulose from wood pulp.
Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.
“Rhubarb” and “watermelon” are two words that background extras are often told to mutter among themselves to simulate conversation.
Oh, good, more David Janssen dialogue. –Hey, Crow, do your David Janssen impression. –[Imitating.] Unh, David Janssen. Ah. Looks like my car. Ah.
See above note on David Janssen.
They’re going to Snack Canyon. –[Imitating Janssen.] Snack Canyon, yeah. Good idea, yeah.
In the late 1970s, the AMC theater chain used to show an animated ad for their snack bar called “Snack Canyon,” in which a group of penguins stumble across Snack Canyon and revel in all the treats available there.
Why’s he eating oysters? –He ran out of vitamin E. –Trying to make his voice higher.
Oysters are often believed to be aphrodisiacs. Whether this is true has not been proved, though oysters do contain amino acids that increase hormone production and zinc, which can aid testosterone production. Oysters also contain vitamin E, an antioxidant.
Words to live by. Thanks, Donna Mills.
See above note.
Family porn. –The family that stays together ... –Yeah? –Fill in your own blank.
The phrase “The family that prays together stays together” was popularized by Catholic priest Father Patrick Peyton (1909-1992), who founded the 20th-century prayer movement known as the Family Rosary Crusade.
I didn’t know he liked women.
A reference to the widespread rumors that Tom Selleck is gay. They first sprang up in the 1980s when Magnum, P.I. was huge, but Selleck vehemently denied the allegations and even filed a $20 million libel and invasion of privacy suit against the tabloid paper Globe in 1991 (it was settled out of court). Selleck has been married twice (he is still married to his second wife) and has a daughter.
It’s the Judge Dredd suite.
Judge Dredd is a science fiction comics character who has appeared in the British anthology magazine 2000 AD since 1977. Dredd is a Street Judge in late 21st (or early 22nd) century Mega-City One with the power to arrest, convict, and sentence criminals on sight. In 1995, a universally detested film version was released with Sylvester Stallone in the title role. A 2012 version with Karl Urban was better liked by fans but commercially unsuccessful.
She’s being followed by the Michelin Man.
The Michelin Man is an advertising figure for Michelin tires; designed in 1898, he is intended to look as if he is made out of a stack of tires. His given name is Bibendum, which first appeared in 1908. Want to know why he’s white? Before 1912, rubber tires were beige or grey-white. Modern tires are black because carbon is added to the rubber to strengthen them.
He did for Michael Jackson, though.
Michael Jackson (1958-2009) was the most prominent member of the Jackson family of musicians and singers, after becoming a runaway success with the Jackson Five. As he grew into a solo career, he became known for wild eccentricities, such as owning a pet chimpanzee, making a shrine to Elizabeth Taylor, and attempting to buy the remains of the Elephant Man, John Merrick.
You think he’s wearing flare-bottom pants? –Let’s hope not.
Flare-bottom pants refer to pant styles with widening cuffs near the ankles. These became popular in the late 1960s and well into the ‘70s, when they were supplanted by the more audacious bellbottoms.
And groovin’. –And swingin’. –And swayin’. –It’s a Con Funk Shun. –At the junction. –What’s your function? –[Sung.] Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?
Con Funk Shun was an R&B and funk band founded in 1969. They became popular in the 1970s with hits like 1977’s “Ffun,” 1978’s “Shake and Dance With Me,” 1979’s “Chase Me,” and 1980’s “Too Tight.” “Conjunction Junction” was an episode of the 1973-1999 ABC collection of animated musical educational shorts called Schoolhouse Rock! “Conjunction Junction” debuted in 1973 and featured a train engineer who coupled boxcars with conjunctions while singing. The song taught about the usage of the conjunctions “and,” “but,” and “or” and was voted as the best of the Schoolhouse Rock! series for the 30th anniversary DVD release.
[Imitating Janssen.] Yes, Missa Benny. –[Imitating Jack Benny.] Oh, Rochester.
A reference to The Jack Benny Show (on radio: 1932-1955; on TV: 1950-1965), which starred comedian Jack Benny as a version of himself and Eddie Anderson as Rochester, who served as Benny’s valet and chauffeur.
Sign, sign, everywhere a sign. –Bustin’ up the scenery. Breakin’ my mind. Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?
A few lines from Five Man Electrical Band’s hit 1970 song “Signs.” The song focuses on the great political change at the beginning of the 1970s, with the protagonist being a hippie going from place to place complaining about the large number of signs restricting access to various areas.
Gene Simmons in his first acting debut.
Gene “The Demon” Simmons, bassist for the rock band Kiss, was known for his abnormally long tongue, as well as for spitting blood and fire.
Madame Zenobia. It’s Madame Zenobia from Uptown Saturday Night.
Uptown Saturday Night is a 1974 comedy film starring Bill Cosby, Harry Belafonte, and Sidney Poitier (who also directed). Madame Zenobia, the proprietor of a nightclub in the film, was played by Lee Chamberlin.
Gong Show tryouts.
The Gong Show was an amateur talent competition show that appeared on NBC and in syndication from 1976 to 1980. It was produced and (usually) hosted by Chuck Barris. On the show, singers, comedians, jugglers, etc., performed before a panel of three celebrity judges who, if they didn’t like the act, would strike the large gong behind them, thus disqualifying the contestant. It underwent a brief revival in 1988.
Makes Mardi Gras look like a homecoming celebration.
See above note on Mardi Gras.
Are whorehouses legal there? –That’s a Baskin-Robbins. –Oh.
Baskin-Robbins is a chain of ice cream retail stores founded in 1945. The chain became known for having 31 flavors in its repertoire; five of the original 31 were retired in July 2010. There are more than 5,000 locations worldwide.
My Sharona. –My conga. –Lucy! –[Imitating Desi Arnaz laugh.]
“My Sharona” is a 1979 song by the Knack; it has also been recorded by Veruca Salt and Nirvana. The conga is a Latin American line dance introduced to the United States by Desi Arnaz in the late 1930s. Lucy Ricardo (Lucille Ball) was a character on I Love Lucy, the iconic 1951-1957 sitcom. Arnaz played Ricky Ricardo, Lucy’s husband on the show and in real life (until they divorced in 1960, anyway).
He’s flossing the lock. –Is that anything like gleaming the cube? –Yeah, except you can’t floss a lock on a skateboard. –Can you floss a cat? –No, but you can floss your mind. –Mental floss? –That’s what I was thinking. –And for vegetarians, new lentil floss. –And for Streisand fans, new Yentl floss.
Gleaming the Cube is a 1989 film starring Christian Slater as a skateboard enthusiast investigating the death of his adopted Vietnamese brother. Barbra Streisand is an actress, singer, and director who, in 1983, starred in Yentl, a film about a Jewish girl who disguises herself as a man in order to study the Torah.
The Super Bowl. Actual time. Maybe we’ll be treated to a 3-D halftime show. –Ooh, excitement. –The magic that is Elvis Presto. –I heard it’s much better in person. –I resemble that remark.
The Super Bowl XXIII (1989) halftime show was “Be Bop Bamboozled in 3-D.” It featured Elvis Presto, an Elvis Presley-impersonating magician, along with hundreds of dancers. While music blared, Presto attempted several tricks, including a card-guessing game with the audience that didn’t pan out. Oddly enough, none of the music played were Presley tunes. To give you an idea of how reviled this act was, in his introduction, commentator Bob Costas said in a very deadpan tone, “This is the single proudest moment of my life,” as his crew laughed loudly in the background. If you’re wondering what’s up with the 3-D, Coca-Cola distributed 3-D glasses via retailers, and a few Coke commercials and some computer-generated interstitials were broadcast in state-of-the-art red/blue 3-D. “I resemble that remark” is a line from a Three Stooges routine.
Robot narcolepsy. I told you not to bring tsetse flies on the ship, but noooo.
Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder that causes excessive drowsiness and, occasionally, sudden bouts of sleep at often inappropriate times. It seems to be caused by variations in a specific set of genes. Tsetse flies are small insects native to Africa that feed on blood and can transmit human sleeping sickness (not the same as narcolepsy).
[Sung.] Flintstone Kids.
This is a portion of a once-ubiquitous advertisement for Flintstones Chewable Vitamins. The vitamins were first made in 1968 by Miles Laboratories. The vitamins came in the shapes of all of the main characters of the animated show except for Betty Rubble. (A telephone poll voted for her to replace the Flintstones’ car in 1995.) The commercial jingle was, “We are Flintstone Kids! Ten million strong ... and growing!” Despite The Flintstones being far removed from children’s awareness these days, the vitamins are still being produced by Bayer.
That’s, um, Jack Warner.
Jacob “Jack” Warner (1892-1978) was one of the four founding brothers of Warner Brothers Studios. After the death of his brother Sam in 1927, Jack became the leading executive at the studio until his retirement in 1969.
[Sung.] Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove. –Why are you singing “Black Dog”? –She inspired me.
“Black Dog” is a 1971 song by rock group Led Zeppelin and one of their most instantly recognizable hits.
She wants to go on the Jungle Ride.
Jungle Cruise (not Ride) is a popular attraction at multiple Disney theme parks, including Disneyland and Walt Disney World. It first opened at Disneyland in 1955 and features a riverboat cruise down simulated rivers of Africa, Asia, and South America, with various animatronic animals along the way.
Thank you, Sabu.
Sabu Dastagir (1924-1963) was an Indian actor who was often credited only as Sabu. He became well known for various film roles in the 1940s, including The Thief of Baghdad,Jungle Book, and Arabian Nights.
Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.
See above note.
And a bazooka. –And a gun for the Doberman. –And I don’t shower.
Bazooka is the common name for any number of portable anti-tank weapons that arose in World War II, characterized by a long tube that rests upon the user’s shoulder during firing. The name was given to the weapon due to its resemblance to 1930s comedian Bob Burns’ musical instrument, also called a bazooka. Doberman Pinscher is a breed of dog native to Germany, first bred in 1890. For decades, Dobermans were used as guard and police dogs.
You know, if his mustache was shaved and he was white, he’d look like David Copperfield. –Maybe he could make this movie disappear. –He made a few careers disappear.
David Copperfield is a well-known magician and illusionist who has starred in a series of television specials since the 1970s. Among his more famous stunts: making the Statue of Liberty disappear and walking through the Great Wall of China. In 2006, Forbes magazine named him the most commercially successful magician in history.
Remember, a smile’s just a frown turned upside down.
“My Smile Is Just a Frown (Turned Upside Down)” is an R&B song written by Smokey Robinson and recorded by Carolyn Crawford and the Temptations, among others.
Tom Kimmel is a poet and songwriter whose songs have been covered by Johnny Cash, Linda Ronstadt, Joe Cocker, and more. His songs have been featured on many television shows, including Miami Vice.
You could sell his remains to science. –Or Ralston Purina. –To make farina?
Ralston Purina is a manufacturer of pet food, now owned by Nestle, that dates back to 1894, when it was called Purina Mills. Their logo features a red-and-white checkerboard design. Farina is a type of soft wheat cereal sold most often as Nabisco's Cream of Wheat and Malt-O-Meal's Farina. It inspired the name of a character in Hal Roach's Our Gang short films from 1922 to 1931, played by Allen Hoskins (1920-1980).
He’s got the face of a killer. –And the body of Chumley.
Chumley was a walrus in the mid-1960s animated series Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales.
Got my jujubes.
Jujubes are a type of gelatin candy that were first produced sometime before 1920. They were a staple of movie theater snack bars throughout the 1950s and 1960s. They survive today under the brand name Jujyfruits, which are still found in movie houses today. Jujyfruits are manufactured by the Hershey Company.
If it feels good, do it. But not if it means killing people.
“If it feels good, do it” was a slogan popular in 1960s counterculture.
He’s got an Excedrin headache.
Excedrin is a brand of over-the-counter pain reliever that contains aspirin, acetaminophen, and caffeine. The caffeine acts as an adjuvant, making the pain relievers more potent and fast acting. In various advertisements for the brand that date back to the 1960s, various daily stressors are assigned numbers and designated as “Excedrin Headache Number ____.” Taxes, for example, were number 1040.
She’s doing all she can to make him feel good, feel good.
A reference to an early 1980s anti-drug public service announcement that featured a girl in a sketchy stairwell taunting another child by waving a joint in his face while saying in a heavily processed voice, “It’ll make you feel good,” with lots of echoes.
Wheat Thins. –On the training table of all great sports teams. –And Sandy Duncan.
Wheat Thins are square wheat crackers manufactured by Nabisco. They became fairly well known thanks to adverts in the 1980s featuring actress Sandy Duncan.
Is that Prince’s car?
Prince was one of the seminal musical talents of the 1980s; in particular, his albums 1999, Purple Rain, and Sign o’ the Times were phenomenally successful. He is based in Minneapolis.
[Imitating.] Wilbur! Get up on top of me like you used to in the old days.
An imitation of the title character in Mister Ed, a sitcom about a talking horse that aired from 1961 to 1966. The horse was played by a palomino named Bamboo Harvester; his voice was provided by Allan Lane. Wilbur was Mister Ed’s owner, played by Alan Young.
Play it like Conrad Janis and his all girl band.
Conrad Janis is a jazz musician and actor. He is known for his deft skills with the trombone. On TV, he played Mindy’s father in Mork & Mindy, a KAOS agent in Get Smart, and Otto Palindrome on the Buck Henry-created sci-fi comedy Quark. (What? You don’t remember Quark? It lasted for eight episodes in 1978 and starred Richard Benjamin as the captain of a garbage-collecting spaceship.)
Play it, Jackson.
In hipster lingo of the 1910s and ‘20s, “Jackson,” “Jim,” and “Gate” were used interchangeably with people’s names, not unlike “dude” in surfer lingo.
Time to call Higgins.
On the aforementioned Magnum, P.I., Englishman Jonathan Quayle Higgins III was Thomas Magnum’s occasional foil and manager (for lack of a better word), as well as majordomo of their employer’s (Robin Masters) Hawaii estate. Higgins was played by Texas native John Hillerman.
[Sung.] We can bring home the bacon, ah-un-unh, fry it up in the pan, ah-un-unh.
Partial lyrics to the 1962 song “I’m a Woman,” by Christine Kittrell. It was covered by Peggy Lee the following year and became a minor hit. In the 1970s, however, perfume company Enjoli used the song in their advertisements to great effect.
Chloral hydrate always makes me so funny inside.
Chloral hydrate is a sedative and sometimes hallucinogenic drug first produced in the 1830s while chlorinating ethanol. During the 1800s, it was used recreationally (and you thought everyone behaved back in the old days) and became a key ingredient in the “knockout drops” used to manufacture a Mickey Finn.
No more chloral hydrate either.
See previous note.
Pop-O-Matic? –Pop-O-Matic coming through. –Pop-O-Matic pops the dice. Pop a six, you move twice.
Pop-O-Matic is a self-contained method for rolling the dice in several board games, including Trouble, Kimble, and Yipes. It features a clear plastic dome at the center of the board over a black metal (or plastic) panel that indents and springs back when the dome is depressed. This causes the die (or dice) to tumble inside. One of the many commercials for Trouble contained the lines, “Pop-O-Matic pops the dice! Pop a six, you move twice!”
Jason plays for a hockey team.
Jason Voorhees is the central villain in the Friday the 13th series of films. The supernatural mass murderer is best known for wearing a hockey mask, though that wasn’t actually used until the third film.
He’ll get a job coaching black kids at Watts High School, I think.
See above note on White Shadow. The school in the show was Carver High School, located in south central Los Angeles. Watts, a historically troubled neighborhood, is also in south central L.A.
[Imitating.] You’re my knight in shining armor, Norman! You old poop.
An imitation of aristocratic actress Katharine Hepburn (1907-2003); the line “You’re my knight in shining armor” is from the 1981 Hepburn/Henry Fonda movie On Golden Pond, as is the line, “It’s me, you old poop!”
C’mon folks, let’s wrap this puppy up. Come on. We know what happens here. –It’s not a Big Red commercial. Come on. She’s got a plane to catch. –Quit swabbing her tonsils with your tongue and get on with it. –Maybe it is a Big Red commercial.
Big Red is a cinnamon-flavored chewing gum first sold in 1976. Most commercials for Big Red in the 1970s and ‘80s featured couples kissing passionately.
Oh, I thought that was soap-on-a-rope he forgot to take off.
Soap-on-a-rope is a bar of soap with a loop of string threaded through a hole in the soap, meant to be worn around the bather's wrist so he or she can avoid dropping the slippery bar in the shower. Although soap-on-a-rope is the subject of many jokes about prison showers ("Don't drop the soap, Ernie!"), thereby making it a common gag gift among men, it is actually useful for the elderly and arthritic, who find it difficult both to hold on to the soap and to retrieve it once it has fallen. It seems to have first been made commercially available around the late 1940s/early 1950s. (Thanks to Daisy for this reference.)
That’s Chip from My Three Sons, guys. –Barry Livingston. –Not Chip. Ernie. –Stanley Livingston. –Well, maybe not. –Looks like Ernie.
My Three Sons was a sitcom that aired from 1960 to 1972, first on ABC and then on CBS. Chip was one of the sons, played by Stanley Livingston. Livingston's younger brother, Barry, played his adopted brother Ernie in later seasons of the show.
I think Bert Convy’s going to show up next in this. –Oh, that’s ALL we need.
Bert Convy (1933-1991) was an actor and singer who was best known for hosting several TV game shows. He previously appeared in Show K13, SST Deathflight.
Boy, stunts have really elevated since high school. Used to be enough to put itching powder in the jocks, now you’ve got to electrocute them. –Or cherry bombs in the toilet? –Saltpeter. –No, thanks. Oh, that’s a good one, too. –Putting your hand in scalding hot coffee. –Putting Jell-O in the urinal.
Prank time. Itching powder in jockstraps is, obviously, itchy in sensitive places. Cherry bombs flushed down the toilet supposedly cause that toilet and others nearby to erupt in a yucky water fountain (not exactly proven). Saltpeter was often used as a food preservative and was thought to cause impotence and/or a dearth of libido for centuries; no evidence for that one, either. Putting someone’s hand in scalding hot coffee ... well, that’d just burn. Jell-O is a sweetened gelatin dessert made by General Foods Corporation. The powdered gelatin that serves as a base for the product was first developed in 1845 by Peter Cooper. In the 1880s, the patent was sold to a New York carpenter who replicated the powder but added flavors to it. The first flavors available were lemon, orange, raspberry and strawberry. The Jell-O name was bestowed upon it in 1897.
The Guthrie Theater is a performing arts center in Minneapolis that first opened in 1963. In 2006, it moved to a new location and the old building was demolished.
An impersonation of Colonel Wilhelm Klink, the inept commander of the German prison camp in the television series Hogan’s Heroes, which aired from 1965-1971. The part was played by Werner Klemperer (1920-2000).
Looks like they’re at Circus Circus.
Circus Circus is a circus-themed hotel/resort/casino located in Las Vegas. It opened in 1968 and was featured in the 1971 James Bond film Diamonds Are Forever.
It’s like the end of Dirty Harry. –Or that Warren Beatty movie. –I love scaffolding sequences. –Heaven Should’ve Waited Longer? –Hmm, no. You know the one. –Shampoo? –Ishtar? –Let’s not bring that up.
Dirty Harry was a 1971 action film starring Clint Eastwood as San Francisco Police Inspector Harry Callahan. Warren Beatty is an actor and director who starred in the 1978 comedy Heaven Can Wait, the 1975 satire Shampoo, and the reviled 1987 “comedy” Ishtar. The Beatty movie they’re trying to remember, which featured a tense climactic scene in the rafters of an auditorium, is the 1974 political assassination thriller The Parallax View.
Now what could happen thousands of feet above the stadium floor? –She could screw up a kickoff real bad. –She could pop the [garbled]. –She could do a half-gainer.
In acrobatics and diving, a gainer is the term given to a backwards somersault performed while still moving forward. A half-gainer is the same move, but with the head in the down position at the end of the maneuver.
Uh-oh. –Vertigo flashback. High Anxiety.
Vertigo is a 1958 film directed by Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980) and starring Jimmy Stewart (1908-1997) as a detective with a phobia about heights and an obsession with a beautiful, mysterious woman. High Anxiety is a 1977 satire of Hitchcock films written by, directed by, and starring Mel Brooks.
[Sung.] Smoke on the water.
“Smoke on the Water” is a song by the band Deep Purple released in 1972.
Magnum Deep Fry.
See above note.
[Sneeze.] Excuse me. –Gesundheit. –Coughing up a lung biscuit. Just put that anywhere. –It’s Van Morrison’s tie. –You coughed up Van Morrison’s tie? –No, I mean Van ... –Van Johnson. –Van Johnson.
Van Morrison is an Irish singer-songwriter best known for his 1967 hit “Brown-Eyed Girl.” Van Johnson (1916-2008) was an actor best known for playing fresh-faced soldiers in various World War II films and dozens of guest shots in early television series.
Wherever you go, there you are.
“No matter where you go, there you are” is a motto from the 1984 cult sci-fi comedy film The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension; the concept dates back many centuries (in one form or another) to Buddhist meditations and Confucianist thought.
It’s Spock’s mom!
Jane Wyatt (1910-2006) not only starred in Father Knows Best but also played Amanda Grayson, husband of Vulcan Ambassador Sarek and mother to Commander Spock on Star Trek. She first appeared in the second season episode “Journey to Babel” (1968) and then again in 1986’s Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. The character also appeared in the 1973 animated episode “Yesteryear,” but the role was voiced by Majel Barrett Roddenberry.
Betty! Bud! Cathy!
See above note on Father Knows Best.