K11: Humanoid Woman

by Trey Yeatts

Czechoslovakian Sandy Frank movie? It isn’t fair. –So what else is new?
Sandy Frank is a film and television producer. In the 1960s and 1970s, Frank imported, redubbed, and distributed dozens of Japanese films, including the Gamera series.

Nice moustache. It’s like if Hitler were the surgeon general, he’d look like that.
Austrian-born Adolf Hitler (1889-1945) was the chancellor and Führer of Germany before and during World War II.

Yay, Sandy. –I know him.
See previous note on Sandy Frank.

[Sung.] Humanoid Woman, Humanoid Woman, you Humanoid Woman ...
A paraphrase of the lyrics to “Evil Woman,” the 1975 hit single by Electric Light Orchestra.

[Sung.] Humanoid girl won’t you come out tonight, come out tonight.
A paraphrase of the lyrics to “Buffalo Gals,” an American song published in 1844 by blackface minstrel John Hodges.

Kraftwerk is playing the theme. [Sung.] Bahn, bahn, bahn, bah-Autobahn.
Kraftwerk is a German electronica band founded in 1970. 1975’s “Autobahn” was their sole U.S. hit, peaking at No. 25 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart.

Looks like backstage at the Penn & Teller show.
Penn Jillette and Teller (that’s his legal name) are a magic/comedy duo that has been performing since the 1970s. Teller remains silent while the 6’6” Penn waxes bombastic. There is an MST3K connection: many fans of the show grew to hate Penn’s voice as he promoted upcoming Comedy Central programs over the end credits and hosted the oft-maligned This Is MST3K making-of special.

Look, it’s Siegfried. And Roy.
Siegfried Fischbacher and Roy Horn were German-born entertainers known for their illusions and Las Vegas show featuring white tigers. In 2003, Horn was critically injured by one of their tigers during a show. In 2009, after more than five years on hiatus, they staged a final performance and retired.

Are you a Noid? I guess they’ll be using him for the new Domino’s commercials.
The Noid was an advertising figure for Domino’s Pizza in the 1980s. The Noid wore a red suit with rabbit-like ears and attempted to foil Domino’s 30-minute delivery guarantee, among other schemes. The slogan associated with these commercials was “Avoid the Noid!” In 1989, mentally ill customer Kenneth Lamar Noid became convinced that the ad campaign was an attack on him and held two Atlanta Domino’s employees hostage for five hours before surrendering to police.

She’s a Noid.
See previous note.

You mean a sheared [something] head. –Rug doctor.
The Rug Doctor is a brand of carpet steam-cleaning machines available for rent at retail stores.

She’s got G.I. Joe hair. –Live action hair. –And kung-fu grip.
G.I. Joe is an action figure made by Hasbro, possibly the original action figure. It was introduced in 1964 as a poseable toy aimed at boys and was wildly successful for about ten years. In 1974, Hasbro introduced a new feature on the popular dolls: the “kung-fu grip,” which consisted of soft, flexible rubber hands, as opposed to the rigid plastic hands previously used for the dolls. An early ‘80s relaunch of G.I. Joe saw renewed popularity for the redesigned figures and a long-running animated series. In 2009, a live action G.I. Joe movie grossed $300 million worldwide.

She looks kinda like Christopher Walken.
Christopher Walken is an Academy Award-winning actor known for his roles in The Deer Hunter, The Dead Zone, Pulp Fiction, and many more.

Danger, Will Robinson.
“Danger, Will Robinson” was a frequently used phrase on the 1960s CBS TV show Lost in Space. It was said by Robot (voiced by Dick Tufeld) to Will Robinson (played by Billy Mumy) whenever a threat approached and Will seemed unaware of it—in other words, nearly every episode.

She looks kinda like ... –Rosie from the Jetsons. –... like a Hopi Kachina doll. –Gesundheit.
Rosie was the Jetson family’s robot maid on the ABC primetime animated series The Jetsons (1962-1963; new syndication episodes 1985-1987). Hopi Kachina dolls were figures produced by the Hopi Indian tribe that represented the masked spirits of their ancestors, deities, etc.

I hope they didn’t have ChemLawn around there.
TruGreen ChemLawn was a mammoth lawn-care company founded in 1979. In 1990, it was bought by ServiceMaster.

Poppies will make her sleep.
A paraphrase of the Wicked Witch’s line from the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz: “Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep.”

I love the Stones, don’t you?
The Rolling Stones are a hugely influential rock band formed in 1962; among their countless hit songs are the classics “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” and “Sympathy for the Devil.”

[Hummed.] Close Encounters contact tune.
This five-tone motif is sometimes known as the “Spaceship Communication” theme from the 1977 film Close Encounters of the Third Kind. It was played by the humans to the visiting aliens and vice versa.

Looks like Tiki Village. –Didn’t she sing “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” with Elton John? –Kiki Dee?
“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” was Elton John’s and Kiki Dee’s 1976 No. 1 hit in both the U.K. and the U.S.

It’s Harpo’s girlfriend.
Arthur “Harpo” Marx (1888-1964) was the second oldest of the brothers in the classic comedy team the Marx Brothers, who were popular on stage and screen for thirty years. Dressed in a curly wig and a trench coat, Harpo never spoke (his brother Groucho claimed he just couldn’t think of anything to say), relying on his brilliant flair for physical comedy to generate the laughs.

Bambi! –Deer.
Bambi is an animated film released by Disney in 1942 about a young deer growing up in the forest after his mother is killed by hunters.

A doe. A deer. A female deer.
A famous line from the song “Do-Re-Mi” in the musical The Sound of Music.

And ray. –Makes three. –A drop of golden sun.
Another line from “Do-Re-Mi” (see previous note).

This is corny. They’re Corn Czechs. –That’s rich. –Rich in fiber.
Corn Chex is a variety of cereal made by General Mills. The Chex line has been produced since 1937 and is so named because of the checkerboard-like appearance of each Chex piece and the checkerboard logo of Ralston Purina, which originally made the cereal. By the way, Humanoid Woman is a Russian film. Not Czech.

She’s playing the Jew’s harp. –The what?
The Jew’s harp, or mouth harp, is an instrument used around the world in dozens of cultures. Its twanging is produced when the frame is placed in the player’s mouth and the metal (or wooden) prong is plucked. Its proper name is the lamellophone.

It’s a Chia Head.
Chia Pets are small clay figurines in the shape of animals and, occasionally, people. Used as planters, the herbs grow in such a way as to look like the “fur” of the animal. They are manufactured by Joseph Enterprises and were first marketed in 1982.

Is that Superman’s dad?
In 1978’s Superman: The Movie, Superman’s father, Jor-el, was played by Marlon Brando in a snow-white wig with spit curl. Between his salary and profit sharing, Brando made $14 million for his ten minutes of screen time.

He looked like Willie Aames when he said that. –There’s a dream come true.
Willie Aames is an actor best known for his roles in Eight Is Enough and Charles in Charge. In the mid-’90s, he became a born-again Christian and starred in several direct-to-video films as the superhero Bibleman.

She looks like Scott Baio.
Scott Baio starred as Chachi on Happy Days and the spinoff Joanie Loves Chachi. He also starred with Willie Aames in the aforementioned Charles in Charge.

She looks like Mia Farrow. –Or Pia Zadora.
Mia Farrow is an actress and former model known for her waifish appearance. She was married to Frank Sinatra for three years and musician André Previn for nine years, and she partnered with director Woody Allen for more than a decade. Her films include Rosemary’s Baby, The Great Gatsby, and more. Pia Zadora is an actress best known to MSTies as one of the alien children in Show 321, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

Looks like Bozo from the back.
Bozo the Clown is a much-beloved children’s character first introduced as the star of a series of children’s books in the 1940s. He quickly got his own television show, and soon there were Bozo shows springing up in local markets across the country. Although there were many actors who portrayed Bozo, probably the most famous was Chicago’s Bob Bell.

Her head looks like one of those Styrofoam wig heads.
Styrofoam is a brand of plastic foam frequently used as a packing material and first made in 1941; it is manufactured by Dow Chemical.

It’s Wayne Newton, isn’t it?
Wayne Newton is a singer who has only had a few radio hits, most especially 1963’s “Danke Schoen.” But in Las Vegas he is one of the most popular entertainers in the city’s history, earning $1 million per month at his peak. He filed for bankruptcy in the 1990s but quickly recovered financially.

[Sung.] I recall, Central Park in fall ...
A line from the song “Danke Schoen,” composed by Bert Kaempfert in 1962, lyrics by Bert Kaempfert and Milt Gabler. It became a hit in 1963 when it was released by the aforementioned Wayne Newton.

He’s looking more like Sammy Davis Jr. now. –Hey, babe. Conka-shonk. Hey, man. It’s Sammy Davis’s hot tub, man.
Sammy Davis Jr. (1925-1990) was a Las Vegas staple and a member of Hollywood’s Rat Pack. He was known for his sense of style and a predilection for audacious jewelry.

See above note on Jor-el.

Keep an eye out for Sammy Davis.
A none-too-subtle reference to Davis’s glass left eye, which he received after a car accident in 1954.

That was Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
Huey, Dewey, & Louie are the identical triplet nephews of Disney character Donald Duck in multiple animated shorts, films and TV series. They first appeared in a newspaper comic strip in 1937.

She actually looks like Sandy Duncan. –Keep an eye out for her, too. –You think Sandy and Sammy ever swapped?
Sandy Duncan is an actress who usually plays deeply wholesome parts and has appeared in a number of Disney films. In 1971, she was treated for a tumor behind her left eye. She lost sight in the eye, but it was not replaced with a glass eye, as popular belief would have it.

I only have eyes for you, babe.
“I Only Have Eyes for You” is a song written in 1934 by Harry Warren and Al Dubin. It has been covered by many people, including Peggy Lee, Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. The most famous version was released by The Flamingos in 1959.

She’s got Sammy Davis eyes.
A paraphrase of the song “Bette Davis Eyes,” written in 1974 by Donna Weiss and Jackie DeShannon. In 1981, Kim Carnes released a cover of it that became a huge hit. The song itself is a reference to Bette Davis (1908-1989), an Oscar-winning actress known for her dark, deep-set eyes. See note on Sammy Davis Jr., above.

Oh, good. A Cylon warrior.
In the original TV series Battlestar Galactica (1978 & 1980), Cylons were a reptilian alien race at war with the Twelve Colonies of Man. The reptilian Cylons were nearly extinct in the series, but their chrome-covered robotic creations continued to fight humanity. In the 2003-2009 “reimagined” series, the robotic Cylons were the creation of humanity that rebelled against their masters.

I think I feel a Eurythmics video coming on! –[Sung.] Sweet dreams are made of these. Who am I to disagree? –We sound like Czechoslovakian Eurythmics, I think.
The Eurythmics were an ‘80s British pop/New Wave duo consisting of Annie Lennox and David Stewart. “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” was their biggest hit, released in 1983.

The Outer Beacons.
A reference to the TV anthology series The Outer Limits, which aired from 1963-1965.

Not with these guys. –They’re space cut-ups. –Far-out space nuts.
Far Out Space Nuts was a 1975 Sid & Marty Krofft children’s series that lasted for just sixteen episodes on CBS. It starred Bob Denver (Junior) and Chuck McGann (Barney) as NASA janitors who were unwittingly launched into deep space. Their lunar module would somehow make it to other star systems, where they would encounter odd aliens and vibrantly colored coconuts filled with chocolate milk.

I said, “Lunch,” not “Launch.”
In the title sequence of the aforementioned Far Out Space Nuts, Junior and Barney were loading the food into the capsule’s system when Junior pressed the “launch” button. Thus, “I said, ‘lunch,’ not ‘launch!’”

Space ...
A reference to the opening narration for the TV series Star Trek, which aired from 1966-1969. The full text: “Space: The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: To explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before.”

Can you see your house from here? –No, but you can see the Great Wall of China.
A reference to the mistaken popular belief that the Great Wall of China is the only man-made object that can be seen from space. In fact, highways, airports, bridges, cities, etc. are very visible (especially at night) from orbit, and the Great Wall itself is often difficult to see because it is the same color as the surrounding landscape.

A Certs encounter. –Because you never get a second chance to make a first film.
Certs are a brand of breath mints manufactured by Cadbury Adams, which first appeared in 1956. In 1984, Certs released a commercial titled “The Encounter,” which featured two photographers “encountering” each other. The slogan “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” was used in many ‘80s commercials for Head & Shoulders shampoo.

In space, no one can smell your breath.
A paraphrase of the tagline for the 1979 film Alien: “In space, no one can hear you scream.”

Do you have hotels there? Day-za Inns.
Days Inn is a hotel chain founded in 1970 with more than 1,900 locations worldwide today.

They’re playing Hüsker Dü in space.
Hüsker Dü is a children’s board game released in 1970 in which plastic tokens cover windows in the game board, and players take turns uncovering the windows to try to match the pictures under the tokens. In 1979 a Minnesota-based rock band named itself after the game; they released several commercially unsuccessful (but influential) albums before they broke up in 1987.

It’s big and white and looks like a Tylenol.
A paraphrase of a line from the 1980 comedy film Airplane! in which a reporter asks, “What kind of plane is it?” Air traffic controller Johnny (played by the late Stephen Stucker) responds, “Oh, it’s a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol.”

It’s the Barnabas Collins look.
Barnabas Collins was the vampiric lead on the campy supernatural soap opera Dark Shadows, which aired from 1966-1971. The role was played by Jonathan Frid.

[Sung.] Bahn-bahn-bahn, Autobahn. –Koyaanisqatsi ... oh yeah. –Aveh nu shalom aleichem. –Da-da-da. Bah-do, bah-do.
See previous note on “Autobahn.” Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance is a 1983 film scored by minimalist composer Philip Glass and having no plot whatsoever—just a series of compelling visual images set to Glass’s music. “Shalom Aleichem” is a traditional liturgical poem performed at the beginning of the Jewish Sabbath in synagogue ceremonies. “Da Da Da I Don’t Love You You Don’t Love Me Aha Aha Aha” was a 1980 hit song by German band Trio. The song experienced a brief popularity surge in the U.S. in 1997 when it was used in a Volkswagen commercial.
Dirk. –Look. There’s a man. –Stig. –Another man. –Nasty. –And another man. –Barry.
The Rutles was a satirical band created by Eric Idle and Neil Innes to comment on pop culture and to parody the Beatles. The “Prefab Four” consisted of Dirk, Stig, Nasty, and Barry; they were featured in various ‘70s British television shows. 1978’s All You Need Is Cash was a mockumentary film about the band that became a cult hit.

The flagon with the dragon is the brew that is true. –Let me get this straight: the vessel with the pestle ... –No, the flagon with the dragon. –The brew that is true? –Wait. There’s been a change.
A paraphrase of a famous wordplay from the 1956 comedy-musical The Court Jester (starring Danny Kaye). The actual line is, “The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.”

Third base.
A reference to an old Abbott and Costello routine, titled “Who’s on First?”

[Sung.] Oops. There goes another Odessa. Oops, there goes another Odessa. –Just what makes that humanoid woman think she can save a whole planet. Everyone knows a humanoid woman can’t. ‘Cause she’s got goofy hair. –Goofy hair. –Short curled and bald ...
A paraphrase of several lines from the 1959 song “High Hopes,” written by Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, featured in the film A Hole in the Head. A hit version was recorded by Frank Sinatra.

Now that Tony Orlando and Dawn are back together, it just isn’t the same.
Tony Orlando and Dawn was a pop music group popular during the early 1970s, with such hits as “Knock Three Times” and “Tie a Yellow Ribbon.” From 1974 to 1976 the group had its own eponymous TV show, which was a mix of music and comedy similar to Sonny and Cher’s variety show. In 1988, they reunited for a tour and stayed together until 1993.

They’re looking for Gamera.
A reference to the five films Joel and the ‘bots riffed previously. Gamera is a popular Japanese franchise of “kaiju” (“monster”) films about a giant flying turtle that befriends children and occasionally stomps Tokyo.

All that just for a cereal? Why don’t you just get Mikey to do it?
A reference to an old TV ad for Life cereal, which ran from 1972-1984, making it one of the longest-lived commercials ever. In the ad, two boys are arguing over which of them has to try a new cereal first. Suddenly, inspiration strikes: they’ll get their younger brother, Mikey, to try it. “He hates everything!” Except Life cereal, evidently: “He likes it! Hey, Mikey!” The role of Mikey was played by John Gilchrist, who appeared in more than 250 commercials over his career; the older brothers were played by his actual siblings. Gilchrist now works as an advertising executive.

All right, folks. Let’s break it up. Show’s over. –Last one in is Cousin Itt. –No, you’re it. –You’re it.
Cousin Itt was a character in the TV series The Addams Family, which aired from 1964-1966; Itt was completely covered in long hair and spoke in an unintelligible squeak. The part was played by little person actor Felix Silla.

Odessa. –Yessa, Mr. Benny.
A reference to The Jack Benny Show, which starred comedian Jack Benny as a version of himself and Eddie Anderson as Rochester, who served as Benny’s valet and chauffeur.

Sounds like a soundtrack by the Residents.
The Residents is an experimental music collective started in 1969, known for their avant garde and occasionally psychedelic and conceptual approaches. In public, the members remain anonymous and perform while wearing eyeball helmets, top hats and tuxedos.

It’s like a Gamera film.
See above note.

It’s a nightclub. –It’s the cantina. –You can, too.
The cantina refers to the famed “alien bar” in the Tatooine settlement of Mos Eisley in Star Wars (1977). For extra nerd credit, you should know that the cantina’s proper name is Chalmun’s Spaceport Cantina.

In a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnalls porch since noon today.
Carnac the Magnificent was a character played by host Johnny Carson during his run on the Tonight Show. Carnac was a mind-reader with an enormous turban, who would magically divine the answers to questions written inside sealed envelopes. Those answers, of course, were kept in that jar on that porch, according to sidekick Ed McMahon.

[Sung.] We’re having an earthquake, a tropical earthquake …
A paraphrase of the Irving Berlin song “Heat Wave.” Actual lyrics: “We’re having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave/The temperature’s rising, it isn’t surprising/She certainly can can-can …”

I don’t know what installing a roller coaster will do but we’ll do all we can. –It was either that or a tram. –They bought that from the New Zoo. –The zoo’s been around for what, twelve years now?
The Minnesota Zoo, located in Apple Valley, was founded in 1978, eleven years before Humanoid Womanaired. Before it opened, the only zoo in the area was the Como Zoo, located in St. Paul (est. 1897), which led to it being dubbed the "New Zoo." The Minnesota Zoo features an elevated monorail that circles the park on a vaguely hourglass-shaped track. (Thanks to Sarah "Bookworm" Heiner for correcting this annotation.)

[Sung.] We’re on the Island of Misfit Toys.
A reference to the 1964 Rankin-Bass Christmas special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The island is a place where broken and unwanted toys are sent.

It’s a New Zoo Revue.
New Zoo Revue was a 1970s children’s show that featured musical numbers and comedy situations to convey life lessons to its viewers. Most of the characters on the show were animals portrayed by actors in suits.

Who wants to have a jack-in-the-box named Charlie? –Henrietta Hippo. Freddie the Frog.
Charlie-in-the-Box was a character in the aforementioned Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Henrietta Hippo and Freddie the Frog were characters on the aforementioned New Zoo Revue.

CHUD! –I saw that movie. –CHUDs.
C.H.U.D. is a 1984 horror film. The acronym stands for “Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller.”

It’s Bo Svenson’s brother.
Bo Svenson is a Swedish-born actor best known for playing Sheriff Buford Pusser in two Walking Tall sequels: Walking Tall, Part 2 (1975) and Walking Tall: The Final Chapter (1977). He also starred in a short-lived 1981 TV series based on the films. Neither the movies nor the series was as successful as the original 1973 film, which featured Joe Don Baker as Pusser. Joe Don, of course, can be seen in Show 512, Mitchell.

Sounds like an intergalactic Truman Capote.
Truman Capote (1924-1984) was an author and actor best known for writing Breakfast at Tiffany’s and In Cold Blood.

Talking about a revolution! –We all want to change the world.
A paraphrase of lyrics from the Beatles’ 1968 song “Revolution.” In 1987, it was the first Beatles song to be used in a commercial when Nike paid $500,000 to Capitol-EMI and Michael Jackson’s publishing company, which owned the rights to the song. The surviving Beatles sued, but the case was settled out of court.

Up Listerine.
Listerine is a mouthwash produced by Johnson and Johnson. It was created in 1879 as a surgical antiseptic by Dr. Joseph Lawrence and Jordan Wheat Lambert. In 1914, it became the first over-the-counter mouthwash sold in the United States.

They just wanna paint it black. [Sung.] I see a movie and I want to paint it black.
A reference to the Rolling Stones’ 1966 song “Paint It Black.” Sample lyrics: “I see a red door and I want it painted black/No colors anymore I want them to turn black/I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes/I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.”

It’s a brave new world.
Brave New World is a dystopic 1932 novel by Aldous Huxley. Set in 2540 London, the book depicts a society governed by a strict caste system and controlled by Pavlovian conditioning, sleep hypnosis and drugs.

[Sung.] No no, no, no, no.
“Nobody But Me” is a 1963 song recorded by the Isley Brothers. The most famous version was released by the rock group Human Beinz in 1968. In just two minutes and sixteen seconds, the word “no” is said more than 100 times.

[Sung.] Humanoid Woman. Humanoid Woman.
See above note on “Evil Woman.”

Well, half of her loves the sugary coating. The kid in her loves the richy taste taste [sic].
In a series of commercials in the 1980s for Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats, adults would eat the cereal and say something to the effect of, “As an adult, I appreciate the fiber,” etc. Then the adult would transform into a small child, who would say something like, “But the kid in me loves the great taste.”

More flavor. Less filling.
“Tastes great, less filling” is an advertising slogan for Miller Lite beer introduced in 1973; it ran for more than fifteen years.

Give a hoot; don’t pollute.
“Give a hoot, don’t pollute” is the longtime slogan of Woodsy Owl, the spokescreature for the USDA Forest Service. Woodsy has been urging environmental action since 1970. In 2006, Woodsy was redesigned. The ‘old’ Woodsy looked very much like a stylized owl but the ‘new’ Woodsy is more humanoid, wearing green pants and a white shirt but with fuzzy arms and a relatively smaller owl head.

It’s a Fizzie. –It’s a Bromo.
Fizzies are tablets dropped into a glass of water to produce a sweetened, flavored soda. First invented by the Emerson Drug Company in the 1950s, Fizzies lasted into the late 1970s before disappearing. Amerilab Technologies resurrected the brand and product in the mid-1990s. Bromo-Seltzer is an antacid first produced in 1888 Baltimore by Isaac Emerson. The granulated product was stirred into glasses of water until it fizzed and then drunk to relieve heartburn, indigestion and so on.

They’re like Sleestaks.
Land of the Lost was a children’s sci-fi television series that ran from 1974-1976. The Marshall family became lost in an alternate dimension, where their chief adversaries were the Sleestaks: green reptilian humanoids with a single horn on their head, pincer hands and large crystalline eyes. They emitted a loud and continuous hissing noise, which I sometimes still hear in my dreams.

Better than Wonder Woman.
Wonder Woman is a DC Comics superhero created by William Moulton Marston in 1941. Marston intended for his Amazonian creation to serve as a “feminist role model.” The character reached the height of her fame in the late 1970s, when Lynda Carter played her in the ABC series The New Original Wonder Woman (1976). The show moved to CBS after one season and became The New Adventures of Wonder Woman (1977-79).

Blue Öyster Cult.
Blue Öyster Cult is a rock group that first formed in 1967. Their most famous songs are “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” and “Burnin’ For You.” Believe it or not, they’re still touring.

His name is Stay-Puft?
A reference to the fictional brand of marshmallows used to great effect in 1984’s Ghostbusters.

Is that Paul Williams? Singer-songwriter?
Paul Williams is a singer/songwriter known for such hits as “We’ve Only Just Begun” and “The Rainbow Connection.” He is extremely short (5 feet nothing).

Billy Bartski.
Billy Barty (1924-2000), who plays the imp in Show 806, The Undead, was a prolific actor who also crusaded for societal acceptance of little people; he founded Little People of America in 1957 to work toward that goal. He appeared in more than eighty films and TV series during his lengthy career.

It’s his duty to protect her. Peter protector, pumpkin eater.
“Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater” is a nursery rhyme first published in Massachusetts in 1825.

Barnabas Collins.
See above note on Dark Shadows.

Pudding pops.
Jell-O Pudding Pops are frozen pudding on a stick, famously marketed by Bill Cosby in commercials in the 1980s. They have since been absorbed by the Popsicle brand.

So, it was all a dream. –Or was it?
A reference to the scene at the end of The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy wakes up back in Kansas with her family gathered around her bed.

Looks like that Brady Bunch episode when they used a whole box of detergent.
The Brady Bunch was a TV series about the adventures of a large step-family that ran from 1969-1974. The episode in question is number nineteen from the first season, “The Big Sprain,” wherein Alice the housekeeper is injured and the kids have to do the chores.

Me. Kill. –Me go Pogo.
A line from the song “Go-go Pogo,” from the comic strip “Pogo” by Walt Kelly. Sample lyrics: “From Caravan Diego, Waco and Oswego/Tweedle-dee he go she go we go me go Pogo.”

Always with the negative waves!
A line from the 1970 World War II heist film Kelly’s Heroes, about a group of American soldiers looking for Nazi gold behind enemy lines. Donald Sutherland’s character, tank commander Sergeant Oddball, was anachronistically hippie-like in many ways, and he was often concerned about bad vibes and “negative waves.”

She looks like a negative image of Arsenio Hall. –She does. –You mean the black Carson? –Yeah.
Arsenio Hall is an actor and talk-show host best known for his late-night talk show The Arsenio Hall Show, which aired from 1989-1994. The “black Carson” line refers to something Crow said in the previous episode while he gave Joel a haircut in a host segment.

Little identity bracelet for you. It’s a MedicAlert bracelet.
The MedicAlert Foundation is a nonprofit group that provides ID bracelets to members to help first responders quickly ascertain any chronic medical conditions of a patient. They’ve been around since 1956.

Too much eye shadow for me. –Too much eye for me. –She’s got a big eye. –Not enough hair. –More hair; less eye. –More filling; less flavor. –Tastes great.
See above note on Miller Lite.

More pantsuits than Angie Dickinson. –Not just pantsuits on Angie Dickinson.
Angie Dickinson is an actress who has appeared in more than a hundred movies and television shows, including Ocean’s 11 (1960), Police Woman (1974-1978), and Dressed to Kill (1980).

[Sung.] I’m soaking up aggressive vibrations, some got these bad vibrations … –Good, good, good ... Aggressive vibrations.
A paraphrase of lyrics from “Good Vibrations,” a 1966 song by The Beach Boys. The actual lyrics are, “I’m pickin’ up good vibrations, She’s giving me excitations, I’m pickin’ up good vibrations, (Ooom, bop bop. Good vibrations.)”

What did he say? I think it was Czechoslovakian for “Worship the devil.” Let’s play it backwards.
Backmasking (or “backward masking”) was the controversy du jour for quite a while in the late 1970s and into the 1980s. Many Christian groups believed rock musicians were placing satanic messages in their songs by recording “evil” instructions and then reversing the audio before inserting it into the track. Accusations of this nature flew at Led Zeppelin, ELO, Styx, Ozzy Osbourne, and many more. No satanic intent on the part of these mainstream artists was ever uncovered. One mother even sued Judas Priest in 1990 after her son committed suicide, claiming that the phrase “Do it” was backmasked into the song “Better By You, Better Than Me.” The case was dismissed.

Do not pass “Go.”
In the classic board game Monopoly, one of the cards reads: “Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.”

[Sung.] And my android gently weeps.
A paraphrase of a line from the song “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” written by George Harrison and performed by the Beatles on their 1968 album The Beatles (a.k.a. “The White Album”). Trivia: Eric Clapton played lead guitar on the track.

Go to the Astrodome.
The Houston Astrodome, in Houston, Texas, is the world’s first domed sports stadium, opened in 1965. It was the home of the Houston Astros baseball team until 1999. In 2008 the stadium was cited with multiple code violations that basically closed it down for the foreseeable future. Parts of it were torn down in 2013.

He’s got Scrubbing Bubbles.
Scrubbing Bubbles is a brand of bathroom cleaner manufactured by S.C. Johnson.

Cool Whip!
Cool Whip is a brand of imitation whipped cream used as a dessert topping. It was first produced in 1967 by Birds Eye.

Whip ‘n Chill.
Jell-O Whip ‘n Chill was first produced in the 1970s and only rarely found these days. It was a mousse-like dessert that came in various flavors.

Control your Crazy Foam.
Crazy Foam was a kids’ bath soap popular in the 1960s and 1970s that came in a spray can, usually with pictures of superheroes or cartoon characters on the dispenser.

Are we not men? –We are Devo.
Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo! is the title of New Wave band Devo’s first album, released in 1978.

It’s the Mod Squad. –It’s the Bubble Brothers. –Didn’t they sing “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling?”
Julie Barnes (Peggy Lipton), Linc Hayes (Clarence Williams II), and Pete Cochran (Michael Cole) were the three hip young police narcs in the TV series The Mod Squad, which aired from 1968-1973. “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’” was a number one 1964 song by The Righteous Brothers.

[Sung.] Reach out, reach out and touch someone.
“Reach out and touch someone” was an advertising slogan for AT&T in the early 1980s.

Oil of Olay.
Olay is a facial skin care cream created in 1949 by South African chemist Graham Wulff. It is produced by Procter & Gamble, which dropped the “Oil of” from its name in 1999.

It’s Bewitched! It’s Darrin.
Darrin and Samantha Stephens were the mortal-and-witch couple on TV’s Bewitched, which ran from 1964-1972.